I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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