I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
