I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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