i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
