I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
