a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
