Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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