i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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