maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
