You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Couch. On fire.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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