Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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