Umm I'm too high to move.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so explain again why im purple
no
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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