just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
