Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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