Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
