Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
