i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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