Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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