And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize