Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
