yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
