God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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