How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Never joke about your clitoris.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
