My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
