She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize