the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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