it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
