Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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