My room smells like vodka and shame
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
