i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize