She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
