over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
