So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
