there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
