im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My balls are so social today.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
