Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
