I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
