Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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