I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
