Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
