and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
