it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
