Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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