I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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