i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
