trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
