Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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