He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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