He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
