you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
