Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
this hospital has no fireball
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
