My boss' voice literally gives me gas
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
