you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
