Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
