I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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