I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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