My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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