mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
