he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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