You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
