So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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