Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
