I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
