At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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