i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
