my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
