NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
