There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
