After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize