I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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